Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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