i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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