I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
