She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize