I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
