how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
