Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
