im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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