I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
