Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
