Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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