I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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