conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize