shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
