hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
