Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
