ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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