But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
