I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
