saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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