my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize