I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
