she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
