i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
