I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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