Dual....:-)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
