that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
