he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize