you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
