so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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