Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
