in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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