My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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