I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Less talking, more tequila
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
