Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
