I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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