I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i now understand why vodka
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
