I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
