I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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