Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I would fuck him just for his dog
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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