So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
