Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
