this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
