Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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