he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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