My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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