I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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