I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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