Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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