Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
