I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize