Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
