You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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