im drinking this country out of the recession.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
