help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
