i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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