Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
