he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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