There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize