I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
