so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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