Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize