So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
