Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize