Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
