i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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