i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
