Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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