i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
