I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
