i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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