I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
