It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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