I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
