so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
