Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
