I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize