first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
