Michael Bay diarrhea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
