Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
