I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize