Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
