Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
