I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
