My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
