my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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