i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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