Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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