i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
