So drunk, too bad you don't want this
one two three fourrrrnication!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
