you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize