the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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