We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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