so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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