Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
