after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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