I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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