Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
