there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
