If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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