Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
