he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just gargled with NyQuil
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
