Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
